


Matchmaking Madness

by LithiumCrystal



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-26
Updated: 2013-01-26
Packaged: 2017-11-26 23:19:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/655490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LithiumCrystal/pseuds/LithiumCrystal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a prompt from snowden-is-dead on tumblr: "Donut plays matchmaker for Grif and Simmons and this leads to many awkward situations and misunderstandings, but ultimately works out."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Matchmaking Madness

Donut is not an idiot.  
  
He’s not, but he lets them treat him like his is because he wants the team to _like_  him after all. And it also means he can quietly observe the goings-on of his team mates, not quite friends, without them realizing he watches them.  
  
And it’s pretty clear to Donut that Grif and Simmons are rather irrevocably in love.  
  
  
But if only  _they_ could realise that themselves. Donut knows it’s tough; he’d had to get out of Iowa and off to college before he could accept and embrace the fact that he likes boys. He doesn’t think Grif and Simmons ever quite got the chance to come to terms with it. They might not even  _be_  gay exactly, but it doesn’t matter; they’re in love, that’s that and Donut? Well, he’s going to _do_ something about it…  
  
  
**Day 1:**  
  
  
“Simmons! What the HELL?!”  
  
Donut awakes to Grif’s outraged yell and the sound of a scuffle from the bunks next to his. It appears as if Grif, normally a sedentary kind of guy, is trying to viciously beat Simmons to death with his own helmet.  
  
“What is this melted crap all through my bed, you asshole?!” Grif is yelling and Donut clicks:  
  
_Ah_  
  
Maybe hiding chocolate in Grif’s bed and hoping he’d think it was from Simmons hadn’t been the brightest plan. Apparently the orange-armoured soldier hadn’t noticed and fallen asleep on it, melting the expensive Belgian delicacies into an unrecognizable brown mush.  
  
“Screw you, fatass! Don’t blame me for you forgetting your gross snacks were in your bunk!”  
  
Simmons has gained the upper hand and has Grif in a chokehold with his robotic arm.  
  
Donut sighs.  
  
Time to kick this match-making business into high gear.  
  
  
**Day 2:**  
  
  
When Donut walks into the common area of Red base the next day, Simmons is howling with laughter and ducking out of reach of Grif’s wild flailing punches.  
  
… Not quite the reaction Donut was hoping for.  
  
“Oh my god, Grif! Is this meant to be shitty poetry or something? ‘ _Eyes green like that stuff in the back of the fridge… AND YOUR NOSE WOULD BE UGLY ON ANOTHER_?!”  
  
“I DIDN’T WRITE THAT!” Grif is yelling as he tries to pummel his team mate.  
  
“It’s signed with your name!” Simmons declares smugly.  
  
Grif snarls and tackles Simmons into the television set, breaking it.  
  
Donut is starting to give up hope.  
  
  
**Day 3:**  
  
  
They’re all eating breakfast in the kitchen when Donut just snaps.  
  
“Ok, you  _fucking assholes_!’ he growls, standing up and ignoring the team’s look of shock “ _what is it gonna take for you two to just fuck already?!_ ”  
  
Simmons goes red and chokes on his cornflakes.  
  
Grif accidentally faceplants into his fruit loops.  
  
“WHAT?” both voice in shock once they’ve recovered.  
  
Donut didn’t realise he was so invested in this, but he is  _seething_.  
  
“You two just don’t GET IT, do you?’ he all but sneers “I’ve never met any other people as thick-headed and oblivious as you two!’ he jabs a finger at Grif   
  
“YOU. You love Simmons because he’s pretty and smart and you know if we’re ever in trouble he’s the one who will have the best solution, but instead of just pushing him against a wall and banging his brains out, you’re a dick to him! And  _you_ …’ he turns his gaze on Simmons  
  
“You love Grif because even though he’s lazy and sarcastic he makes you laugh and makes you realise that sometimes you’ve got to bend the rules to have some fun! But you’re just as awful to him as he is to you! What  _gives_ , you unbelievable MORONS?!”  
  
Grif and Simmons stare at their team mate in lightish-red armour, standing there with his fists clenched looking like he wants to pummel them…  
  
And then Grif starts laughing.  
  
Simmons blinks at him in shock “No Grif! Don’t tell-!”  
  
“Come on man;’ Grif interrupts “people were always gonna find out eventually” Simmons looks like he’s going to protest for a second, thinks better of it and shuts up.  
  
“Dude’ Grif begins, turning back to Donut “where do you think we were the other day?” Donut frowns  
  
“You told Sarge you were going to patrol in the shade like you do every day” He answers in confusion. Grif nods.  
  
“Uh-huh” is all he says and then just  _stares_ at Donut.  
  
…  
  
… .  
  
… . .   _Oh_ __  
  
“… You two have been screwing since day one, haven’t you?” He says and it isn’t really a question.  
  
Simmons coughs and looks away.  
  
Grif just shrugs.  
  
“… I  _hate_  you guys’ Donut mutters “so why all the fighting?”  
  
“Because he’s an asshole” both of them say at once like it’s the most obvious thing ever.  
  
Donut kind of regrets asking. Actually, he kind of regrets the whole match-making episode in itself.  
  
“I’m going back to bed’ he declares “you two are just…  _Ugh”_ __  
  
But as he walks out of the kitchen to Grif’s sniggering he does turn around long enough to see him place a hand over Simmons’ and to notice the way the two look at each other.   
  
Perhaps they don’t have what Donut considers a proper romance, but given all they’ve been through and how they can still look at each other like they’re the only thing that matters on this planet, Donut is willing to let it go. They’re totally in love; always will be, and that’s all that really matters.  
  
… He’s still going to spread one of their beds with rose petals if he can find them though.  
  
  
_-End-_


End file.
